mailbag #36

losing friends, uncertainty, and how to become a "crazy cat lady"

Salam, this Cat.

Cat not know about you, but Cat has spent past few weeks trying keep cool. Sun shines bright and hot. Heat rises. Cat observes how tempers and flare-ups among humans rises too. Escalations and aggressions around globe not slowing down. Amidst all of this, Cat will do anything to stay calm, cool, and centered.

What mean, centered?

In Cat’s view, centered is when Cat has clear channel to inner wisdoms. Centered is when Cat is not pulled this way or that way by squabbles or dramas. Centered is when Cat is focused on aims and goals that align with Cat’s core values.

This not mean ignoring or bypassing tempers and escalations. It mean remaining steadfast in thought and action no matter how high temperatures rise.

Being centered not so easy these days, so Cat asks readers to be kind to yourselves and others. Try best you can, and remember to give self some grace, even if make messies along way.

Now, please get comfy and pour yourself a mug of ice cold creamies. Cat is back with some answers to readers questions.

📌 Don’t miss Cat’s question for substack readers at end of newsletter. Thank you, Cat.

to Cat
from angel foodcake

What do you do when you’ve outgrown your old life but your new life hasn't started yet?

Hello angel foodcake. Cat understands. Being in-between can feel strange and uncomfortable because no have stability of old life, or knowledge of what comes next. Cat suggest look at it this way: being in-between offers very many multiple perspectives. Being in-between means you can look back at the past while imagining the future, without being tied down to either.

Cat’s advice? Experiment. Get creative. Have fun with it, if you can.

Spend time in places in nature that are in-between. Humans call these places ecotones. Like where the ocean meets the sand. Where a meadow meets the forest. Or where the desert meets the mountains.

Explore the in-between. Wander. Wonder. Be gentle, in-between places are tender. Open up to the unknown. Walk. Listen. Write. Dream.

Uncertainty not always the comfiest place to land, but Cat has a feeling that when you get further along the road to your new life and look back on this era, you may feel a little wistful for the freedom, the wildness, and even the pleasure of not-knowing.

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to Cat
from jax

cat why do i feel so lonely and why can’t i be myself around anyone? why do all my friends suddenly leave, 🍤🍤🍤

Hello jax. Cat has received many questions about loneliness and losing friends. Cat hopes that this answer everyone with questions about this topic.

First, Cat suspects that a big part of feeling lonely is connected to the feeling of not being known. The way to feel known by the humans in your life is to—yes, you guessed it: be yourself.

You say you can’t be yourself around anyone. Cat wonders: what do you think would happen if you were yourself around your humans?

Sometimes we are afraid to be ourselves because we do not want to chance being rejected. Maybe someone once gave us the impression that we were too strange, too sensitive, too shy, too loud, too boring, too much, or maybe even not enough. Maybe this left us feeling like we should hide who we truly are.

The thing is, when we hide ourselves, we end up cutting off the part of ourselves that brings closeness with others.

Cat has been told that Cat is smart, cuddly, and cute. Cat has also been told that Cat is greedy, lazy, and makes a horrible mess around the litter box. But all of Cat’s messy, unusual, and difficult parts? These parts deserve love and acceptance too, along with all of Cat’s cuddly cuteness.

Growing love and acceptance for all of your self, even the hidden messy bits, is like planting a seed. A seed needs patience, care, water, and sunlight before it can grow, and learning to love and accept yourself works same way. Cat suggest start with your self-talk. What Cat mean by this is to practice being kind to self, especially when make mistake or feel bad about self.

If you hear your inner voice saying something like “Good job, dummy” when you’ve made a mistake, try replacing it with “I made a mistake but I’ll make sure to do better next time.” Positive self-talk is the water and sunlight that helps the seed of love and acceptance grow.

Jax asks why friends suddenly leave. Cat not know answer to this, but Cat believes it is natural to wonder “What did I do wrong?” when friends leave or a friendship ends. But the truth is, there are so many reasons why friends leave, why friendships end, and why friends grow apart. It no always about one person messing up or not being enough.

One thing Cat does know, is that friendship endings are about change. Some friendships exist for only a short time, and some feel like they will be around forever. Some friendships exist because of shared interests or activities, or what school we go to, where we live, or what music we listen to. And these are all things that will change throughout your life.

Be kind to self, jax. Keep reminding self that change is a big part of life, love, and friendship. Take notice of what makes a good friend, how to be a good friend, and keep opening self to making new connections. Cat loves you ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

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to Cat
from spy

hello cat, i am the spy, and i want to know what your favorite bread is.

Hello spy. Cat’s favorite is tie between stale sourdough and sweet Hawaiian rolls.

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to Cat
from Clawssand

Hai, Cat! I’m just wondering, do you support LGBTQ+? Crunchy treats sent to your front door!🍤🍤🍤🍤

Thanks,
Clawssand

(I’m reposting this because I want in a mailbag. Pretty please? Extra crunchies if yes)

Hello Clawssand. Cat chose your question no because of promise of extra crunchies, but to make sure you know that Cat wholeheartedly supports LGBTQ+. Every one of us deserves equal rights, equal protections, and the freedom to live safely with dignity and respect, without fear of harm or judgment. ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

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To Cat
From crazy cat lady wannabe

Please tell me what the three steps are to becoming a virtual crazy cat lady since I do not have cats.

Hello. Cat has devised three solid steps to becoming a virtual crazy cat lady.

1. Have no shame in being a ‘crazy cat lady’.

2. Make friendlies with every cat you meet IRL.

3. Make friendlies with other humans who love cats.

Most important step to become a ‘crazy cat lady’ is to have no shame about it, so Cat supposes you have already accomplish first step. Cat no understand why ‘crazy cat lady’ label has negative residues. Probables because in antiquities (or what humans call medieval times) women who live alone with cats were called witches. Incidentals, ‘witch’ is another way of saying powerful, independent, and mysterious. These all very cat-like qualities, if you ask Cat.

You say you do not have cats. That is okay. Everywhere you go, you will find cats, so not having a cat will not prevent you from being a cat lady. If you want meet cats IRL, it pretty easy. Before you leave house, turn your cat radar on. Say to self: “Today I will meet a cat.”

Cats are everywhere. They are hanging out in your local bodega. They are lounging on the counter at the independent bookstore. They are in the backroom of the flower shop. They are under the boardwalk at the Jersey shore. They are on the airplane and on the bus. They are lurking in your neighbor’s driveway. They are at the local cat shelter.

How make friends with them? Soft eyes. Low voice. Offer hand for sniff or scritches. Or admire from afar. Up to you.

Next, make big friendlies humans who love cats. Do you have cat t-shirt yet? Cat t-shirts are to cat lovers what catnip is to cats. When you wear a cat t-shirt in the wild, cat lovers will magically appear out of thin air and purr contentedly at your feet. All jokings aside, when you wear your cat t-shirt (or your cat tote bag or your cat keychain plushie) you will meet very many cat people and have very many conversations with them because humans love to talk about their cat companions.

Maybe for some reason you do not wear t-shirts or use tote bag. Maybe you seldom venture into the wild and spend most of time in front of metal box. That is okay. Becoming virtual crazy cat lady is easy because cats are to internet what sauce is to loaf. Most direct path to aligning self with the magics of cats on the internet is to make an offering to online cat culture. How? First idea that comes to Cat’s mind is to create a cat website or newsletter. Bonus points for creating and writing in the voice of a feline alter-ego 😼 See you in cat land, friend.

📌 For Cat’s readers who are on Substack, Cat want know what is best category for Cat’s newsletter? Normals, Cat would think good category is advices, animals, or nature. But Substack no have these categories. What category fits This Cat? Please comment below with thoughts or suggestions.

Have question for Cat to answer in next mailbag? You know what to do.

*Before Cat signs off, Cat want to make gratitudes to Cat’s very first paid subscriber. Cat will always make newsletters free for everyone to read, but last month Cat turned on option to accept paid subscribers. Just for funsies and to play with extra features. Maybe in future Cat will come up with extra crunchy treats for paid subscribers. But for now, Cat says thank you! Your support feels like a hug.

Until next time, thank you for reading.
Love, Cat